after so much, part of me hates you, and everything you’ve done and continue to do angers me. but i’m doing my best to not let it get to me. to let it go. thats all i want. i want to let you go and not deal with this anymore. i gave you so much, after all the things you said i don’t understand how you can be this monster. in your line of duty, you know people die, daily, that people don’t return home, that you are at risk, and you’d be okay with that being the last things you said to me. that would be the last thought of you. so many games. you couldnt let things go. you couldnt reset with me. you wouldnt be real with me.
i need to forgive you and let it go. not for you, but for me.
so many times i’ve wished for this to be different.
i still find myself missing you sometimes. wishing to be on the couch.
wearing sweatpants. my head on your lap. your arm around me.
i didn’t need all that other nonsense.